This is a question I’ve wrestled with more than once:
What does it actually mean to take a risk with God?
In Episode 4 of Orderly, Stephanie Hilberry and I step into a conversation that goes far beyond the romanticized version of “risk” we so often see online. This isn’t about adrenaline or hustle or bold aesthetics. It’s about the kind of risk that costs something—the kind that stretches trust, dismantles safety nets, and invites God into places we’d rather keep controlled.
The episode opens with a story many listeners couldn’t stop thinking about after I mentioned it in passing earlier this season: the year I lived in a van. What began as an offhand comment unfolds into a much deeper testimony—one shaped by trauma, obedience, and the slow rebuilding of trust with God after my life completely fell apart.
Risk Isn’t Adventurous—It’s Vulnerable
I want to be clear about something: I am not a rugged, outdoorsy thrill-seeker. Van life was not a personality choice or a lifestyle trend for me. It was an act of obedience born out of crisis.
After discovering my husband’s long-hidden meth addiction, affairs, and escalating violence, I was forced to face a devastating truth—staying was no longer safe. When a domestic violence advocate looked at me and said plainly, “We would prefer if you left and never came back,” I had to decide whether I would trust God beyond logic, comfort, and conventional wisdom.
That’s where the real risk began.
Not because living in a van was glamorous—but because trusting God after betrayal feels almost impossible.
We Often Assume God’s Will Is Safe
Stephanie names something many of us quietly believe: that God’s will should feel safe. Predictable. Manageable. Free from failure or heartbreak.
But Scripture tells a very different story.
Peter stepping onto the water.
The widow giving Elijah her very last meal.
Abraham believing for a child—and then being asked to surrender him.
Moses leading people directly to the edge of the Red Sea.
The Bible is filled with moments where obedience looks wildly unsafe—and yet becomes the birthplace of deeper trust.
Risk, I’ve learned, isn’t about recklessness.
It’s about relationship.
Risk and Trust Are Inseparable
One of the most powerful truths that emerged in this episode is this:
risk is the muscle that builds trust.
God rarely asks us for giant leaps all at once. More often, He invites us into small, uncomfortable acts of obedience:
Saying no when we’ve always said yes
Speaking truth when silence feels safer
Disappointing someone to protect our peace
Trusting God in areas we’ve kept tightly controlled
These moments don’t look dramatic—but they are deeply risky when safety has become our idol.
The Beauty on the Other Side
My story doesn’t end in survival—it ends in restoration.
On the road, God rebuilt my trust piece by piece. He protected me in moments that could have gone very differently. He confirmed my obedience through strangers. He met me in fear and scarcity—and never left.
Six months into van life, I met my now-husband. My long journey through infertility eventually found healing and community. And the woman who left everything behind came back stronger, clearer, and more anchored in God than ever before.
The point isn’t that suffering leads to blessing.
The point is that trust leads to intimacy.
And intimacy with God changes everything.
The Invitation for You
This episode isn’t asking you to sell everything or live in a van.
It’s asking a quieter—and braver—question:
“Lord, where are You inviting me to trust You a little more right now?”
That invitation may feel small.
But small risks, taken with God, are how faith grows.
